Today I just discovered that Google has an ad configuration page. You know all those Google ads with blue triangles on them? Well, those ads employ something called "interest-directed advertising". Every time you visit a web page that uses Google Analytics or sometimes just has a Google ad with a blue triangle on it (if I understand my cookies right; I may be getting things mixed up) Google's javascripts somehow make a note of what page you saw the ad on, or at least cross-reference some keyword databases to determine what the page is about and what categories of ads best match all the ad categories you've accumulated so far. Then they add that to all the other advertising data they've collected about you from other pages and use that big pile of interest keywords to try to intelligently guess what kind of ads you will be interested in. Sometimes it works, but sometimes the accuracy is laughably off. Which is why they have that page to configure those keywords, and also why I'm writing this.
You see, when I visited my ad configuration page, I had a good laugh. Probably almost half of it actually did reflect my interests and real details, but the rest was just... well, laughably inaccurate, and full enough of hilarious juxtapositions and random incongruities that I simply couldn't help trying to put together my own explanation of how it could ever make any sense. So, here's a brief portrait of the man Google thinks I am. (Here's the first reason why this is so funny to me: I'm not even a man!)
Darryl Rogeau. 24. Marketing consultant for Toyota Motor Sales USA, Inc. Relatively average height, though very slightly overweight. His doctor has not expressed a great deal of concern over this so far, but it nevertheless worries him.
Mr. Rogeau is a sensible man with a sensible wife. Though his marriage only begun within the past couple of years, his family already has two fine kids and two fine dogs, one a black Labrador Retriever and the other an English Springer Spaniel. Despite his overwhelmingly practical exterior, he enjoys taking his children to sci-fi, fantasy, and superhero films whenever they seem appropriate, and sometimes even likes to tune into such types of programming on TV by himself when he thinks no one is watching. Through careful framing and omissions, he has successfully fooled most of his acquaintances into thinking that these interests are only his children's and he himself is not at all still fascinated with superheroes and intricate toy vehicles. His wife, however, knows the truth.
Rogeau is highly concerned with his appearance and the way society perceives him. He feels like his weight has always been a huge issue for him, even despite the tremendous demands his children and pets exert on him daily, and also often worries about minor but noticeable imperfections that appear on his face, sometimes going to the extent of wearing male make-up products that may include a moisturiser or concealer. He does not overlook his hair, either, and is always very careful to pick out just the right type of shampoo, conditioner, and shaving products. His family tell him that they never notice the difference, but he insists that it is necessary to look his best in the high-stakes business world of today.
When he is not looking around for information on practical matters such as banking, finance, and advice from fellow marketers, Mr. Rogeau often likes to read pop culture and technology news, particularly in respect to new consumer electronics and video games. Though he largely does not have time for such frivolities, he still finds them incredibly interesting and often marvels at what new video games have been able to achieve, wishing he had the time to learn how to create such amazing visuals himself. He might have gone to work for a game development company in another time, in another world. As things are now, though, he knows he will sadly probably never get the chance. Sometimes, when the day is going especially slow, he likes to sit back and play one of the few computer games he has such as SimCity. After a hard day at work, having the ability to step back and see simulated commerce on a greater scale gives him an odd sort of reassurance about his own economic future in the real world.
Recently, Mr. Rogeau has been trying to broaden his interests and experiences a little by trying out exotic things such as East Asian music and various forms of dance--dance is particularly convenient for him because of the potential to involve the rest of his family in it, as well as get some much-needed exercise. Along with this, he has also been on a search for new social networks and more ways to connect with people, as he believes this is very important to building a good societal image.
Being the well-groomed gentleman he is, Mr. Rogeau sometimes enjoys shopping online for new apparel, both business and casual. Meticulous as he is, many of these attempts are really more just a way to occupy his time than efficient trips meant to end in purchases, but as he does not really feel a great neurotic need to be efficient in everything he does, this does not worry him. He has done much the same thing when "shopping" for social networks sometimes, for example avidly reading all about a couple of puppetry and performing arts circles even though he had no actual intent to join anything of the sort. Another subject he has occasionally toyed with is the marine sciences, as sailing, shipping, fishing, and the impact of these and similar activities on the environment has always intrigued him.
Though he can never be sure exactly what the future will hold or what people will think of him, Mr. Rogeau is overall happy with his life and fairly optimistic in his outlook, knowing that most of the uncertainties he feels are likely to smooth themselves out with time. As long as he can remain healthy, productive, and employed, he has little doubt that he will be able to achieve great things in due time. The only question in today's economic times is whether he will be able to pull through.
